I met my first love in 2005, she was 18, I was 19. We both found what we were looking for: she was looking for a guy that would give her comfort and security. I was looking for an attractive woman that would consider a long-term relationship (yes I was in that state of mind at that time… things do change).
At that time I had no clue on how to have women fall for you… I was getting dumped or played with rapidly. She was the only one that was fine with the fact that I was actually looking for that kind of relationship. Cards were laid on the table. We found each other and were happy.
I suppose we were in love, at least I think I was. Sex was getting better and better. To spice it up we decided that it was time to quit condoms. I got STD tested and nothing came up. She was still a virgin therefore we thought that she didn’t need to get tested. As soon as the results came back (positive results! well actually everything was negative which is positive), we had unprotected sex. It was great! Loved it… We did it a few weekends (we would only meet on the week-end as we lived 150 miles from each other). She took an emergency contraceptive pill each time until she reached the limit (you’re not supposed to abuse this pill). She was supposed to meet with her Gynecologist to request a permanent contraception pill, which she didn’t do. I decided to resort to the “pullout method”… what a stupid idea !!! as you may have understood from an older article from this blog it was a complete failure… she got pregnant very quickly!
What were the consequences in our relationship?
- A TERRIFYING EXPERIENCE
It was obvious for both of us that she would get an abortion. We were too young and could not support the baby. The question of getting or not getting an abortion never came up, that’s one less thing that I didn’t have to worry about.
Things were terrible for my ex as soon as she heard about it. She was crying a lot and was depressed. She had the abortion one week after she got the news. I of course went to the hospital with her. After the intervention I still remember her face, as she was lying on the bed, under the sheets, devastated.
I on the other hand, did not suffer from the abortion itself. I was more suffering because of the condition she was in.
She was young and did not deserve to have to go through this experience.
- FORGET ABOUT SEX !
We had no sex for what I consider a long time. Of course I wanted sex but she wasn’t ready for it. It took about 3 months to get back to a normal sexual routine. It took a long time for my ex to get back on her feet. I was always there when she needed me and accepted the fact that we had to go through this phase. By the way this phase sucks !
- NO SEX MAKES FEELINGS GO AWAY
I’m not really sure what caused my feelings to disappear but it’s pretty obvious that it was because of the lack (or absence) of any kind of sex. She was a virgin understanding her body and I was an inexperienced fool: sex was playing an important part in our bonding.
Anyway my feelings almost completely disappeared but she found the strength to hold on to the relationship.
- AN ETERNAL HOLE
We still see each other again once in a while although we haven’t been dating for years. She has not gotten over it and will never forget about it. February/March (when she heard about the abortion / when she had the abortion) is the most difficult period of the year for her.
Conclusion: don’t mess with pregnancy. If you do: be prepared to lose what you have.
For the mum and dads reading this article: talk to your kids! (Well I doubt that moms are reading this blog. If you are : you are WEIRD)
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- Condom or no condom ?
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2 Responses
Interesting article. I totally find myself in your writings, especially this one as the same shit happened to me. Keep up the good work !
it’s okay that you weren’t in a relationship. shdouln’t be a factor. i’d actually say you’re smart not getting into something when its not right or you didn’t meet the right girl, just don’t settle when you think you just should have something now or later or something. know your worth and stick to it! that’s more admirable. value over number of relationships any day is how I see it. when you’re ready for a relationship and the right girl is there then it’ll work out.if you want to keep this one you got the set boundaries because she’s telling you the fantasy version of her not having to work hard, go to school, study, etc whether that leads to a career or just education and an at home mom status. it’s not good to have people change their directions or be so changeable, I’d say there needs to be a little more strength of character on her part to make a good match (maybe that’s why her other relationships didn’t last long!). and the disclaimer: I don’t know you so I can’t speak for what you’re looking for or what you want at this stage in life, I can just can tell you how I see it. good write in! got me sending tons of replies!